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Tesla CEO assures PM Modi that the driverless car in India will have robotic hand to offer bribe in case of signal jump

In focus during Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s visit to the U.S. was his establishment of a personal equation with U.S. President Donald Trump. The result seems to be positive with Mr. Modi saying there was a perfect meeting of minds between the two. There were several other, crucial outcomes of the three-day trip, one of them is when he met the top CEOs. His meeting with the Tesla CEO was the most fruitful.

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Ever since Tesla had come up with the idea of driverless car, Indians were worried about who will pay the bribe in case of any traffic rule violations. It was a major worry of thousands of traffic personnel, policemen and also the politicians who also earn from such bribes indirectly. Even the common man was a worried lot as paying a small bribe is comfortable for him compared to paying the full penalty when the challan reaches his/her home.

But Elon Musk’s assurance to PM Modi has brought relief to India. Musk has assured Modi that all his driverless cars sold in India will be fitted with robotic hand which will offer bribe after any traffic violations. The money will be stored inside a cabinet in the car, and the hand will be programmed to take out money in accordance with the bribe applicable in that area. In case the hand detects any honest officer, it will just shake hands with the officer instead of handing out cash. Musk though requires some help from the PM to implement this project. He wants India to share photos of honest traffic men to program them into the system, so thet the robotic hand doesn’t pay bribes to such officers.

PM Modi has assured the country that the government will see to it that Tesla Motors fulfills the promise and no Indian is amplacted in a negative way with the launchg of the driverless vehicle.

Bihar University forgets to print question papers, says it thought students would be already having it

Bihar, infamous for question paper leaks, reached a new low on Tuesday, when 94 students of the Tilka Manjhi Bhagalpur University (TMBU) could not write their last paper of the second semester postgraduate Hindi exam, as the question papers were not printed. But that is not the big news. Big news is the reason given by the university authorities, who said that they thought students would be already having the papers with them.

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The visuals of mass cheating in the Bihar School Examination Board exams in 2015, followed by the intermediate toppers’ scam a year later and the recent question paper leak of the Bihar Staff Selection Commission examination for appointment of clerical staff made the university staff believe that the students would already have received the leaked papers and there’s no point wasting tax payers money in printing the papers.

Our Funfunnykhez reporter spoke to one such student named Shwetank Srivastava and he had this to say, “I agree that we had the leaked papers, but we had never carried leaked papers to the exam hall in previous cases. University should have told us in advance that we have to carry those papers. First we pay a hefty amount to buy the papers, then we stay awake full night to prepare the answers, so it is a shame on the part of the university that the exam is postponed. Who will return us the money and effort we spent.”

The University officials have clarified that the questions will not be changed for the exams to be held at a later stage, giving a major relief to the protesting students. Parent associations have appealed the government to formulate strict actions against the university which gave them heart attacks on the day of the exam, as it was their hard earned money which was at stake here.

The problem with Bihar government is that most of its ministers don’t have an experience in writing exams before so its tough for them to understand the pain caused to the students.

UP govt to demolish cycle tracks made by previous govt, car drivers worried as that was the only place for driving

In what could come as a jolt to the former Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav, the state’s urban development minister Suresh Khanna announced the incumbent state governments’ decision to dismantle bicycle tracks that were constructed by the previous Samajwadi Party government.

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“We will demolish these bicycle tracks, which are unused and have caused traffic congestion. The demolition process will begin shortly,” Khanna said.

Although, it will not impact Akhilesh as he is not in power. But it has created a lot of panic among the car drivers, as the cycling track was the only motored track in Lucknow. The conditions of the normal road in U.P is too pathetic and people were seen using the cycling tracks for day to day travel. With the decision to demolish the tracks, car drivers now want the new government to construct roads for their daily commute.

Realizing it’s the biggest tech challenge, IITs to offer diploma in Screen Protector Installation for mobiles

New Delhi: As soon as you buy a smartphone, a smarter one emerges. This statement holds good in regard to the contemporary evolution of mobile phones across the world. But this is not the only challenge related to smartphones.

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Everyday thousands of people purchase new smartphones ranging from the posh Apple and Samsung to middle-class Micromax and Xiaomi. The buyers protect their phones like babies from the moment they purchase it.

The happiness of having purchased your favorite smart-phone lasts only until the moment of screen protector installation arrives. It is at this point a lot of buyers face difficulties in installing protectors on the delicate screens of their phones.

They’re often found disappointed and stressed, sometimes due to a wrong angle and sometimes by perspiring efforts to drive the air-bubbles out of the region between screen and the screen protector. If a boy is installing a protector on behalf of his girlfriend, the need to get it perfectly becomes very crucial to the phone and the relationship.

Well, the times of suffering are now coming to an end with technology enthusiasts and staff from the Indian Institute of Technology vouching for a diploma course in installing screen-protectors.

Our market experts say Post Graduate Diploma in Screen Protector Installation (PGDSPI) is a brilliant idea to make the buyers stress free and simultaneously play a role in decreasing unemployment by giving “Certified Screen Protector Professionals” to the nation.

Funfunnykhez spoke to a contributing senior student at the IIT and he confirmed the development.

“I change smart-phone every 6 months and I really know the pain of installing these protectors. During our leisure time in the hostel, we have come up with various innovative techniques that would simplify the process to a surprising level of ease. A few days ago, one of our friends installed an iPhone 6 tempered glass screen protector within 2 minutes!” said Akash as he appeared excited with the progress of their ideas.

“At this point, we decide to take it forward to the higher authorities. The authorities are now in discussions with the central ministry to extend the collection of techniques to a technical diploma course. This would increase employment opportunities for those who are in real need of jobs.”

“The qualification to enroll into this course would be minimal: ability to read and write, use smart-phones and optionally, previous experience in performing technical work, to name a few. However, this is still under discussion, as lack of formal education could become a controversial issue and it could get marred in politics,” ended Akash.

Pakistan Army’s strength less than the employees sitting on bench of Indian IT companies: Report

If numbers are to be believed, a report by an independent manpower agency could just give sleepless nights to the people in higher echelons of Pak army.

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Benchpress Manpower Consulting, which regularly tracks data related to hiring in IT companies in India, in its latest report revealed figures on the number of employees who are on bench in various tech companies.

Interestingly, as per the report the ‘bench strength’ of top 5 IT companies in India surpasses the strength of Pak army.

In addition to this, a statistical data released by an Economic Agency has added more disgrace to the basket of shame of Pakis by reporting that the number of Engineers sitting on benches of Indian IT companies is much more than the official number of Soldiers in Pakistan’s Armed units combined with unofficial soldiers (also known as Suicide Bombers) of various banned terrorists outfits.

Sources from Pak media say that these revelations have caused considerable concern (read heartburn) to top Army officials.

“We had heard about the bench strength of Indian IT companies, but these numbers are unprecedented. We can no longer rely on non-state actors. Our strategy will have to be relooked at,” said a senior official from Pak army on condition of anonymity.

“China too is behaving like a typical wife and giving us the silent treatment on our request for help in the event of a war. But the clear and present danger are these employees. It’s not good for the morale of the army. Maybe Gen. Raheel Shareef should write a speech for Wazir-e-Azam that will be addressed to the army,” he added.

Our reporter visited the Bengaluru campus of one such IT major and spoke to the HR head to find out if these numbers were indeed true.

“We always have reserve forces ready as bench strength to meet the requirement of future projects. But nobody knew it could be used against the evil plans of the enemy whose morale got down after seeing that the youth in India, unlike in their country, love playing Assassins Creed and don’t become Assassin by themselves,” he said, while editing Decorations.ppt which was to be shared with the HR staff for the upcoming Navratri festival.

Akshay Kumar promotes his new movie Toilet: to install TV screens in toilets so people don’t have to come to cinema halls

Actor Akshay Kumar’s happiness level is ‘100 %’ because the trailer of his new film, Toilet: Ek Prem Katha, is a super hit. The film’s trailer has been viewed more than 11 million times on Facebook making it the “highest viewed Bollywood trailer” on the social networking site, tweeted Akshay Kumar.

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But Akshay Kumar is leaving no efforts in making the movie a major success. Akshay will be visiting many villages and rural areas where there is lack of toilets to spread awareness about sanitation.  He has also asked producers to install TV screens inside toilets so that people have an incentive to use the toilets and they need not go to the cinema halls to see the movie.

Google executives to meet Modi during his US trip, to take tips on updating Google maps

California: Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is planning to visit the Googleplex later this month during his highly anticipated tour of Silicon Valley. While Mr Modi will be focusing on attracting investment from the tech giant, sources reveal that Google is also planning on taking Mr Modi’s help for their own benefit.

PM Modi using his extensive travel experience to make few changes to the Google Maps algoritm
PM Modi using his extensive travel experience to make few changes to the Google Maps algorithm

Speaking to Funfunnykhez on the condition of anonymity, a senior Google executive said, “There have been a lot of complaints about the accuracy of Google maps recently and we can definitely take help of someone who has traveled all across the globe to update these maps. Sometimes these maps create unnecessary political tensions and we can remove all that using Mr Modi’s personal experience.”

“Hopefully this will be a start of long collaboration. We can start with the maps and later on use Mr Modi’s extensive travels to update Google Street view as well. While taking his selfies, he can sneak in a panoramic image of the street he is on. I am sure we will have the entire world covered during his tenure,” he went on to add.

Mr Narendra Modi, who has been frequently referred to as the first ever NRI Prime Minister is quite willing to help out Google as well, a close aide of the Indian PM revealed to Funfunnykhez. As per inside sources, Mr Modi has already drawn a list of countries not visited by him yet and those 5 countries will be visited by him within next 6 months.

Even though this collaboration between Google and Mr Modi is yet to be finalized, arts professors of Indian origin across USA have already condemned it in strongest terms.

A letter signed by 66 Indian origin professors has reached US President, Donald Trump where they have urged him to fight the growing ‘Indianisation’ of Google.

Fans of Salman request govt to enforce “the Bhai can do no wrong” law for the rest of his life

Mumbai. Fans of Salman have requested the Government to end the court and prison game for once and for all by enforcing the Indian version of ancient super law “the King can do no wrong”.

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Exhausted with blackmailing Bollywood to support Salman, sleeping outside Galaxy apartment, enchanting Bhai Rocks slogans, being shirtless for Rs. 200 per day; the fans have decided to come together to request the Government to enforce “the Bhai can do wrong” law so that Salman doesn’t face any trouble in committing offences for the rest of his life.

When Funfunnykhez contacted Salman’s lawyer about this latest development, he said, “We are fed up with this contemporary legal system, in ancient times if a celebrity committed any offence he was let go easily by enforcing “the Celebrity can do no wrong” law and any offence committed by him didn’t remain an offence anymore rather it became a trend, copied by everyone afterwards. We are asking for the same law.”

He further revealed, “We are asking for pardon for Salman’s previous offences as well because this law has a retrospective effect unlike our tax laws. We are ready to start doing charity in advance from now onwards unlike last time, we have decided to open Being-another-Human NGO through which Bhai will be donating money in proportion to the intensity of the offence committed.”

On being asked by Funfunnykhez why they love Salman so much, one of the hardcore fans of Salman said, “Because Bhai is generous. He is so generous that for Abhijeet’s “Sleep like a dog, Die like a dog tweet”, he has given him one of his dogs apart from the contract to sing in his next 3 movies. So, I guess, for my contribution in this propaganda sorry in this struggle, I might end up getting a 2BHK flat in Navi Mumbai.”

Frustrated by Good Morning messages on WhatsApp, students switch to Nokia 1100

In the recent reports received from the university students across the country, frustrated from ‘Good Morning’ Whatsapp messages from relatives and family members, youngsters have finally decided to quit smartphones and switch to Nokia 1100.

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Speaking to Funfunnykhez reporter, Sandeep Sharma, an engineering student from Delhi, said, “Each morning I receive around 100 Good Morning messages. In fact the notification sound of the message itself wakes me up. And it’s the same message that keeps circulating on Watsapp. I am at my wits end about what is to be done. I thought un-installing Watsapp may help. But it doesn’t solve my problem completely. Now I am thinking of getting rid of my smartphone.”

Sandeep’s  thoughts were echoed by many, who thought switching back to their old Nokia phones is the only solution.

Sources say that this sentiment has led to significant dip in sale of smartphones. All smart phone companies have strategized to send a request letter to Whatsapp users to stop the urge of Good Morning and Have a good day messages.

Good Morning messages hogging precious phone memory has also become a huge headache for many. Some are falling back on technology to deal with this problem through a ‘saving memory’ initiative.

“A warning message will flash every morning to alert the whatsapp users as a part of SAVE MEMORY SPACE campaign. Warning message appears twice for users above 40 years of age,” said a techie.

There were also reports that a student from Nagpur is yet to recover from shock as she could not take a selfie in the washroom because of lack of space in the mobile.

Mobile companies too are taking proactive steps to deal with memory problems. Vice President of a leading mobile company was quoted saying, “Health tips, Vastu directions, Silly jokes and emotional messages will be taken care in the next move. As an immediate measure, automated app will automatically delete pictures from the gallery. App detects images that has bunch of flowers, sunrise, Kabir ke dohe.”

Meanwhile, Nokia has reportedly taken cognizance of the reversing trend and reopened its manufacturing facility in Chennai.

Buzzfeed writer who wrote about ‘7 ways to keep your job’ gets fired for not getting enough likes on the article

Buzzfeed is a social news and entertainment company” with a focus on digital media and digital technology. It constantly provides us engaging listicles about various things.

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In fact, people have found their listicles very useful in life when they are short of ideas. Recently buzzfeed came up with an article on ‘7 ways to keep your job’, the article was about techniques one can use to keep his job safety and not worry about losing a job.

Though the article was useful for many people who were insecure at their workplaces, it was a nightmare for the person who wrote it. The writer’s boss had given him a fixed no of likes as the target for the article, which was not attained by the writer, which led to his firing. It is one thing writing such articles, but another to actually implement and set examples through them.